Therapy that Understands Navigating Religious Communities
For many, faith, religion, the Church, or spiritual communities are the most grounding, connecting, and identity forming parts of their lives. Yet, many encounter moments when things don't line up anymore. They aren't able to participate in the way that they used to. They may question long held beliefs. They may be rejected for changing their point of view or for revealing some aspect of themselves. When this happens life can feel disorienting, lonely, and hard to explain to people who have not lived it.
I am Stephen Gundlach, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Hayes Valley, San Francisco. Before becoming a therapist I was an ordained minister. I hold a Master of Divinity and a Master's in Counseling Psychology, and I have walked through my own changes in how I belong and what I believe. I understand the good and the bad in these environments from the inside and I know that the stakes are high when you make changes in this area of your life.
Who this is for
People come to me when they are:
- Living with lingering fear, shame, or guilt that was taught to them as faith
- LGBT people carrying the damage of a religion that told them who they are is wrong
- Clergy and others working in religious environments struggling with the demands of their profession and how this intersects with their own beliefs and identity.
- Negotiating relationships with family and friends who are still in the old communities.
- Wondering what, if anything, of their religious or spiritual life they want to keep or rekindle.
You do not need to have a label. If a religious or spiritual environment that gave you something later cost you something, this work is for you.
How I work
Religious trauma tends to live in the body as much as in the mind. Many people leave the beliefs intellectually long before the fear, the vigilance, or the sense of being watched lets go. So I work with both cognitive and somatic lenses: how you think about what happened, and how it still shows up in your nervous system.
My approach is warm, present, and active. I am not a passive listener. I will ask real questions, offer what I notice, and bring humor when it helps. Much of this work is discerning what of the past to let go of and what to carry forward in a new way. That includes the parts of your spiritual life that may still matter to you. I have no agenda about where you land on belief. My job is to help you get free enough to choose.
In person in Hayes Valley, or online anywhere in California
I see clients in person at 423 Gough Street in San Francisco and by telehealth video across California (how online sessions work). Video therapy matters for this work in particular. Many people leaving high-control religion live far from a therapist who understands their background, and many prefer not to be seen walking into a therapy office in their own town.
Fees
Sessions are $200 for 50 minutes. I am out of network with insurance and provide a superbill for reimbursement. You can check your out-of-network benefits through the link on my fees page. I reserve a limited number of sliding scale slots. Please ask if finances are a concern.
Questions people ask
What is religious trauma?
Religious trauma is the lasting harm that can come from a religious or spiritual environment that used fear, shame, high control, or exclusion. It can look like anxiety, panic, depression, difficulty trusting your own judgment, sexual shame, or a sense of doom that does not match your current life.
Do I need to have left my religion to work with you?
Absolutely not. Many of my clients are still inside their faith community and want help sorting out what is theirs and what was imposed. Others have left. Both are welcome.
Are you going to try to talk me out of faith, or back into it?
Neither. I have a clinical training and a personal history that let me sit with either direction without steering you.
Do you work with ex-cult members specifically?
Yes. High-demand groups, whether religious, spiritual, political, or built around one leader, leave similar marks. Recovery includes rebuilding trust in your own perception.
How do I start?
Book a free 30 minute phone or video consultation. We will talk about what brings you in and whether I am the right fit.